April 27, 2013

Dress Like A Fashion Blogger (Part I)

Fashion Bloggers are stars people look up to. Although the fashion blogging scene is already saturated with ah-mazeballs fashionistas, it's not too late for you. You can still get noticed. It doesn't take much to upgrade your blogosphere status from anonymity to greatness. I just don't do it because I'm allergic to fame. I shine bright like a diamond even with commonness. The world is not ready for me.

Even if you don't make it to the top, you can still get invited to events and hoard freebies, you greedy, limelight-hogging you  express your artistic side through fashion and inspire ordinary, unimaginative people. C'mon, do humanity a favor and hang yourself follow the two basic steps below.



1. Start with a simple ensemble. 
Age-inappropriate  Baby tee, skirt, beret and OMFG-me-so-nerdy lensless glasses combo is cute enough but forgettable in every way. You need to stand out. Remember, you are a fashion blogger. You need to be creative!


No. Posing cutesy patootsy will not help. Your outfit is still boring.




No. Just no! Every 6 year old is dressed like this.



2. Fuck it up. Experiment!   
  
Be bold! Be unpredictable! Be fashion forward! The crazier, the better! If it doesn't make sense, then you're on the right track. Pretend you're a mentally handicapped blind person raiding a Salvation Army rejects bin.

Ditch the beret. It's so unoriginal. Create a pom pom out of tissue paper and make it an eye-catching headpiece. No one will see that coming! You will be known as the epic hair accessories pioneer.

Erratum: Those are ice cream shoe clips.

Drop the geek glasses too. They're sooo overdone. You wouldn't want to look like you're trying too hard.  Start your own trend instead... like the sanitary pad bracer I'm wearing in the pictures. It has this WHOA factor. It's totally unexpected. It's a symbol of femininity (because, duh, sanitary pad is used to absorb all the nasty stuff from your uterus every month) and strength.

Adding surprising twist to your belt and shoes is also good. You want to be as retarded distinctive as possible.People are generally fascinated by rubbish quirky things anyway. Also, layering is a must. It doesn't matter if it makes you look fat or moronic. 

And oh, NEVER EVER forget those cocktail rings so enormous, you would break your own jaw if you happen to accidentally slap yourself.

There you have it. What are you waiting for? Grace us with your phenomenal sense of fashion, you sexy thing!



Let me know if you want me to make DIY tutorials for the sanitary pad bracer and toothbrush sash.

Toodles!

55 comments:

  1. You are the funniest, Liz! :) Will make sure I'll visit you when I come to ID!

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  2. I can't wait for the part 2! hahahaha! :)

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  3. HAHA Why are you so funny! I especially like the sanitary pad bracelet - ingenious idea!

    xo runbarbierun.com

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  4. Hahaha! As usual! One of best post I ever read! Your humor really entertains me. You just brought out the ..|. guidelines in fashion blogging. Reality bites! Hahahaha!

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  5. I think staying simple and knowing who you really are really helps in being fashionable.

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  6. real funny stuff,will love to read the next part.

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  7. did my comment went through? if not shame haha.

    I just want to reiterate how fascinated I am with the witty way you write and blog keep it up. Love it lots!

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  8. Haha.. Love this post :D Can't wait for part 2!

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  9. OH MY GOD. At last, someone finally made a post about this! Ha! But based on this, now i know that i'm not a fashion blogger then. I'm just delusional.

    Anyway, thanks for the wishes!! <3

    cheers from Jakarta,
    Putri Soe
    SUPERNICE

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  10. I guess I'm not alone when I get the feeling that all some people do is put on a weird head gear or something weirder like a cape then strut around, post a photo, and voila... fashion blogger. XD

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  11. this post is so funny! I love how you put it all together and got your message across. :)

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  12. Hahahaha..reality bites,isn't it? Worst comes from the worst and weird mind....hahahahaha....

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  13. That toothbrush. hahaha I've always admire your blog especially the photos, though I don't comment regularly. :))

    I am sure I am not going to be a fashion blogger. xD

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  14. Hahaha! You know sarcasm so well, pretty.

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  15. So funny with a hint of truth in it! love your post.

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  16. You have a sick sense of humor girl. Lol. You never fail to amuse or make me laugh out loud with you posts. Oh, and I love your redhead wig. btw. ;)

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  17. hahahahahaa I am in stitches!!! this is wonderful. You could be perfect for Pan Arabia Enquirer -- you know the satirical online newsletter? And mind you, some people here still think it is a genuine newspaper =D..oh Dubai

    I can't wait for the next part....so love your milky skin!

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  18. Was reading your entry and then I totally forgot I'm in the office! LMAO! This is my new fave blog already!

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  19. I bet this would qualify for the Avant Guard look (did I spell that right?) if you join Project Runway. haha! :P

    waiting for part 2!!! :P

    http://officiallygirlyfied.blogspot.com/2013/04/health-and-wellness-jogging-and-yoga.html

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  20. This is freakin' hilarious dearie! Had fits of laughter on that sanitary bracer and the batik toothbrush thingy! Haha! My day is made =D

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  21. HAHAHA! To future readers, please don't take this seriously and calm yourselves down. She's just having fun in this post!

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  22. hahaha! too much humor in this post and it made me burst in tears! XD waiting for part 2! :) by the way, still LOL on the sanitary pad bracer :P

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  23. ...and you still manage to look great even with toothpaste sash.

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  24. haha super cute mo forever!!!! :p

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  25. I love this, can't wait for part II! Also, I hate belts but I could be convinced to wear your Batik Toothbrush Sash...

    Best,
    Rachel
    www.thecuratorial.com

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  26. Now that's what I call fashion! That sanitary pad bracelet is so awesome. Perfect for those emergencies. You simply take it off your wrist, without having to fumble inside your bag for a pad. You are so funny!

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  27. I don't know, I still feel like you could have shoved your tennis shoes into high heels and made this whole thing even more fashionable!

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  28. Hahahaha!!!! This is freakin' funny Lizzie! You're such a creative lady! I love the sanitary pad bracer! ^◡^

    Fashionmoto
    Bloglovin
    Facebook

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  29. "If it doesn't make sense, then you're on the right track." - THIS! HAHHAHAHAAA

    Anyway, you look great with red hair! and I like that bunny ring!

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  30. I think the Sanitary Pad Bracelet is sooo chic! Definite very fashion forward with a feminine statement. :P Love this post.. will be looking forward to Part 2! :)

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  31. I'm just going to repeat my FB comment. I can't believe I'm doing everything wrong in my fashion blog hahaha.. This is funny and like the rest, I'm excited to see part 2.

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  32. Bwahahahahaha! I was actually crying from sadness when I read this and I ended up laughing out loud. Ano ba! Nakakaloka post mo. Hahahaha. The toothbrush thing reminds me of the group Smokey Mountain who had toothbrushes in their get up as well.

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  33. I really love your skirt. You know, red is my favorite color next to pink!

    Wahhh.. naloka ako sa last and 3rd to the last na photo. Anyare? Hahaha. But you know, I can see girls dressed like that minsan. Parang sobra na, over pa sa layering! :P

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  34. Ahhhhh! Been a long time since I went blog hopping and yours is always the first I visit. You're so funny Lizzie! Always!

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  35. LOVE THIS. Derelict chic for the mentally unreliable.

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  36. great tips here!! Loving that red hair on you dear!! looks so cute! haha nice skirt too!

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  37. Catchy tips you got there dearie... excited to read part 2 :)

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  38. LOL! You never fail to make me me laugh with your wit! :D In fairness, had you not labeled the "sanitary pad bracer" I wouldn't have known. Hahaha!

    Abi
    http://thebelatedbloomer.blogspot.com
    twitter and instagram: @BelatedBloomer

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  39. Hahaha this post was really funny! Kahit sarcastic, its funny and true! haha I love the frog cliiiips :D I am looking forard to the part 2!

    Followed you :)

    I have recently started a weightloss blog as well
    http://thequirkypanda.blogspot.com/

    Cheers x

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  40. Hahahahaha! This totally made my lunchtime fun. Muntikan lumabasa sa ilong ko iyong iniinom ko na Sprite. :p

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  41. awww... thanks for the comment on my blog... it's nice to know someone missed my "tutorials" hahaha! :P I've been stalking your blog coz I've been waiting for Part Deux :P

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  42. I've been MIA in blogworld for so many months. And then I come back and this is what I find. Man, I missed reading your posts! Haha! Your outfit reminds me of some certain fashionistas... ;)

    http://theclothesmuse.blogspot.com/

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  43. i love your blog sis! xoxo :)

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  44. Hahahaha, yes this is my favorite :)

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  45. Gosh! Fashion blogging is hard work. I wouldn't be able to carry all those around me ... even just for a photo shoot! You're so blunt, it's so funny :) There's a lot of truth in this post!

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  46. Great humor! Keep posting, also u have awesome blog desging.

    Tømrermester Aalborg

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  47. Hahahaha! I am so glad my friend Sam of Psycho Chick Lessons introduced me to your blog. :) Love your humor and OMG, those sanitary pad wrist bands are a must have. hahaha :D Wil wait for your tutorial. ;)

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  48. Oh I love this! I hope that in time I'll have the guts to be as fasyon as you are ;)

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  49. Funny! But made total sense :) Aaaand, I love the end result. :) Keep blogging about fashion!

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  50. Girl, where did you get all these adorable junk??!! So adorbs. Haha

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  51. funny one.. now I can say that i really now fashionista at all..

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  52. I don't see part 2. Where is it? I'm dying for it...

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  53. HAHAHA this seriously made me laugh... lol PART 2 please!

    www.frontrowec.com

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  54. Ordered for pageant girl who is a teenager. Perfect fit and she looked beautiful! The color is great and the best part is the matching wrap and attached petticoat to make it flair.

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Behind this blog is a woman suffering from intermittent explosive disorder and chronic boredom. If you find yourself taking some of my statements a little too seriously, you might want to rethink leaving a comment. Either that or chill the fuck out.

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