The Badassery of Boy Cut

It's a little late but I would like to greet each and everyone of you a Happy 2013. May you accumulate riches, fulfill your dreams, reach your target weight and get adopted by cats this year. Cats are awesome.

Now that the holiday greeting is out of the way, can I bombard you with my photos? It's my favorite hobby, second only to camwhoring.

Short hair is badass.

I've been called "brave" on more than a few occasions because of my drastic haircut. My black soul is reveling in the fact that people think it was bravery but the truth is, courage had nothing to do with it. I'm simply as nutty as a fruitcake when bored, nothing more. Also, the fact that my hair grows vampirically fast makes it so easy for me to cut it all off every couple of years or so. Which reminds me... I trimmed at least an inch off my hair the other night because my fringe was already past my eyebrows and I had a mullet (after only 2 weeks). I did it myself using an eyebrow trimmer because... why the hell not? Fortunately, my husband still adores me. I believe he will still find me cute and cuddly even if I shave my head and sprout tentacles on my face. That, my dearies, is called shackles of marriage love.

Here are the reasons why I love rocking a boy cut (No. Penis envy is not one of them. Sorry to disappoint you):

1. You get to save a lot of money. You use very little shampoo, conditioner, and other hair care/styling products. In fact, you don't even need to buy yours anymore. Just borrow your husband's/boyfriend's/brother's. They won't notice. 

2. You have an excuse to wear gigantic earrings without looking like a bar girl. You can have live birds for earrings and people will think you're being artistic. That's how badass short hair is.

Even fruits will look good on you because you're badass. 

3. You can be totally girly without upsetting the wannabe-feminists. You know those pompous hypocrites who believe they are superior to girly girls in every way just because, unlike girly girls, they didn't embrace frills, skirts and heels? Yup. They're the hags ones I'm talking about. But since you cut your hair short, they will think you're one of them. They will misinterpret your hairstyle as celebrating sexuality without having to conform to the society's idea of beauty and femininity. Boy, I wish I were that deep!

4.  You can wear artsy hats and cute headbands without looking like you're trying too hard. People are generally judgmental but for some reasons, they're lenient with short-haired women. You can go over the top without being seen as pathetic or loony.

5. You can wear low necklines without men ogling your chest because they probably think you're a cross-dressing plump boy with manboobs. Most primeval apes men prefer longer hair on women and since you cut yours, your built-in pervert magnet has been substantially dulled (unless you're Halle Berry, Natalie Portman, Audrey Hepburn or a normal person blessed with good genes --- I'm none of the above, FML!). If you're the type of woman who doesn't appreciate being objectified, then short hair is perfect for you.

6. People will think you are smart. I have no fucking idea why. I'm always always ALWAYS mistaken for a bimbo (until I introduce them to my good ol' ancient-civilizations-medieval-torture-methods-evolutionary-biology-obsessed pretentious self --- which I rarely do because I don't really give a flying fuck about what others think of me) when my hair is long. Humans are weird.

I don't have a smart-looking picture, so let me show you my shaved armpit. 

7. Your gal/gay friends wouldn't shut up about how cute you look... because they're the only ones who can appreciate your haircut and because they're your friends and they probably owe you money so they feel obligated to say something nice.

8. It's very low maintenance. You know why? Because everyday is a bad hair day. It's such a bitch to style that you will eventually get depressed,  buy a box full of expensive lace wigs, get broke, give up, wear it as is, and grow it out. Be prepared to hear comments like: 

"Your hair looks so unkempt and messy."

"Your hair looks greasy." (from all the hair gel you put)

"Is your hair unevenly cut?" 

Fret not!  Even if your short hair makes you look like a pom pom or a very hairy coconut, you can always claim that it's styled that way.