Behind The Blog: WEIGHT LOSS

Trying to lose weight sucks. I don't mean to demotivate you but it's true. It sucks big time. Some bloggers only make it look easy as pie because we secretly hate you.

 No. Not really. We don't hate you. We just like the compliments we get when we reach our target weight in no time. It makes us feel awesome and superhuman! Don't get me wrong, we're not 100% evil. Some of us sincerely want to encourage you to be as miserable as we are inspire you. Some of us also want to preach and draw attention to our abs admirable restraint.

Trying to lose weight is difficult, maintaining weight even more so. Behind the blog, it takes sweat, tears, periodic bad breath (not because you have poor oral hygiene but because your body goes into ketosis when you're on a strict diet), damaged knees, hyperacidity and Yoda's discipline (occasional laxatives and appetite suppressants help too. What? Don't judge me!) to get rid of unwanted fats. If you're naturally skinny and you can stuff your face with cakes without gaining a pound, I fucking hate you! I used to be skinny too. I was all elbows and ribs until I got old and sad... and crabby.

Here are the reasons why losing weight (and keeping it off) sucks.

1. Deprivation. 

Yes, you need to deny yourself of your favorite treats and substantially cut your food intake. You have to avoid social gatherings to be able to stick to your daily caloric limit. You will always feel hungry but you need to fight the urge to demolish an entire pizza.

Also, when you're on a hotness weight loss plan, you need support. You'll find yourself frequenting healthy living websites and blogs (because your friends are not helpful at all). They will tell you how you should substitute certain treats with fruits and other healthier options. 

e.g. 

Instead of indulging in ice cream for dessert, why not have a plate of mixed fruits? Fruits taste good and won't go straight to your hips.

Are you kidding me? Ice cream versus mixed fruits? I'll take ice cream anytime but since I want to lose/maintain weight, I am forced to delude (and deprive) myself instead. I convince myself that my tastebuds are dancing with joy whenever I'm munching on a carrot. How pathetic is that?

2. Betrayal.

Speaking of social gatherings, let's talk about friends. Your friends make you fat. They often express their wish to hang out with you. You know that hanging out involves food and drinks. Also, friends are evil. Notice that if you're vocal about losing a few lbs, they would shake their heads and tell you "You're perfect the way you are."? Don't EVER believe them. 

FRIENDS. ARE. EVIL. They hope to make you fat so that they'd look noticeably hotter than you. Don't make friends. It's better to be forever alone (and skinny, baby)!

 3. Accusations. 

 You'll often hear "You look fine, why do you want to lose weight?" and some people will assume you have an eating disorder or body dysmorphic disorder. What they don't understand is that there are people like me who are tired of looking "just fine". I wanna look drool-worthy sexy, for fuck's sake! Is that so bad? I only live once and I'm shallow!

4. Guilt.

If you want to lose/maintain weight, exercising is a must. Notice how fitness websites/blogs make you feel guilty for not having the time to work out? You might be working two jobs, juggling work and family, hardly getting any sleep anymore yet these assholes will try to insinuate you're lazy for not being able to visit the nearest gym. They will also make you feel guilty for eating a slice of chocolate cake on your birthday. It's maddening, I know.

5. Hallucinations.

Have I mentioned you will always feel hungry? No? Well, you will always feel hungry. Food and only food will occupy your thoughts. You will be bitter and grouchy. Soon, you will find yourself seeing fellow humans as walking and talking cheeseburgers or giant gummy bears. You will be 100% unhappy and the odds of you resorting to cannibalism are pretty high.

In the blogosphere, things aren't always what they seem. Don't feel bad if you didn't lose 10 lbs within 2 weeks because, in all honesty, it isn't as effortless as we (*some* bloggers) make it appear to be.

Pieces of friendly advice before I end this post: sugar-free chewing gums work wonders in combating the hunger pangs. You can also spiral into clinical depression (like me) and pray that your antidepressants will kill your appetite. I wouldn't really suggest the latter.