January 22, 2013

Behind The Blog: WEIGHT LOSS


Trying to lose weight sucks. I don't mean to demotivate you but it's true. It sucks big time. Some bloggers only make it look easy as pie because we secretly hate you.

 No. Not really. We don't hate you. We just like the compliments we get when we reach our target weight in no time. It makes us feel awesome and superhuman! Don't get me wrong, we're not 100% evil. Some of us sincerely want to encourage you to be as miserable as we are inspire you. Some of us also want to preach and draw attention to our abs admirable restraint.

Trying to lose weight is difficult, maintaining weight even more so. Behind the blog, it takes sweat, tears, periodic bad breath (not because you have poor oral hygiene but because your body goes into ketosis when you're on a strict diet), damaged knees, hyperacidity and Yoda's discipline (occasional laxatives and appetite suppressants help too. What? Don't judge me!) to get rid of unwanted fats. If you're naturally skinny and you can stuff your face with cakes without gaining a pound, I fucking hate you! I used to be skinny too. I was all elbows and ribs until I got old and sad... and crabby.


Here are the reasons why losing weight (and keeping it off) sucks.


1. Deprivation. 
Yes, you need to deny yourself of your favorite treats and substantially cut your food intake. You have to avoid social gatherings to be able to stick to your daily caloric limit. You will always feel hungry but you need to fight the urge to demolish an entire pizza.

Also, when you're on a hotness weight loss plan, you need support. You'll find yourself frequenting healthy living websites and blogs (because your friends are not helpful at all). They will tell you how you should substitute certain treats with fruits and other healthier options. 

e.g. 

Instead of indulging in ice cream for dessert, why not have a plate of mixed fruits? Fruits taste good and won't go straight to your hips.

Are you kidding me? Ice cream versus mixed fruits? I'll take ice cream anytime but since I want to lose/maintain weight, I am forced to delude (and deprive) myself instead. I convince myself that my tastebuds are dancing with joy whenever I'm munching on a carrot. How pathetic is that?


2. Betrayal.
Speaking of social gatherings, let's talk about friends. Your friends make you fat. They often express their wish to hang out with you. You know that hanging out involves food and drinks. Also, friends are evil. Notice that if you're vocal about losing a few lbs, they would shake their heads and tell you "You're perfect the way you are."? Don't EVER believe them. 

FRIENDS. ARE. EVIL. They hope to make you fat so that they'd look noticeably hotter than you. Don't make friends. It's better to be forever alone (and skinny, baby)!

 3. Accusations. 
 You'll often hear "You look fine, why do you want to lose weight?" and some people will assume you have an eating disorder or body dysmorphic disorder. What they don't understand is that there are people like me who are tired of looking "just fine". I wanna look drool-worthy sexy, for fuck's sake! Is that so bad? I only live once and I'm shallow!


4. Guilt.
If you want to lose/maintain weight, exercising is a must. Notice how fitness websites/blogs make you feel guilty for not having the time to work out? You might be working two jobs, juggling work and family, hardly getting any sleep anymore yet these assholes will try to insinuate you're lazy for not being able to visit the nearest gym. They will also make you feel guilty for eating a slice of chocolate cake on your birthday. It's maddening, I know.

5. Hallucinations.
Have I mentioned you will always feel hungry? No? Well, you will always feel hungry. Food and only food will occupy your thoughts. You will be bitter and grouchy. Soon, you will find yourself seeing fellow humans as walking and talking cheeseburgers or giant gummy bears. You will be 100% unhappy and the odds of you resorting to cannibalism are pretty high.


In the blogosphere, things aren't always what they seem. Don't feel bad if you didn't lose 10 lbs within 2 weeks because, in all honesty, it isn't as effortless as we (*some* bloggers) make it appear to be.

Pieces of friendly advice before I end this post: sugar-free chewing gums work wonders in combating the hunger pangs. You can also spiral into clinical depression (like me) and pray that your antidepressants will kill your appetite. I wouldn't really suggest the latter.

54 comments:

  1. Haha. Kainis lang eh, after ko magbalik-alindog program, heto naman, jenuntis naman ako. Kalowka! :D

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    1. hahaha. natawa ako sa balik-alindog program mo sis. congrats by the way!

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    2. LOL. You're so funny, sis. Balik alindog na lang ulit after you give birth. :)

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  2. I remember mid last year that I tried my best to lose weight just because I wanted to remove my excess tummy fats once and for all. So I do have an idea how hard it is to diet. The most effective way I think is a heart break, well at least in my case that's what worked hahaha...

    Another funny and informative post darling ;)

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, hun. You're just as slim as last year? Anong tummy fats? o.O

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  3. holy cricket! no wonder you are depressed!

    losing weight is hard, if that's your goal. try picking up a sport, instead. like... volleyball or... basketball! (any sport with bouncy boobs in it, get it? he he).

    sports will naturally take you to your desired weight or even lower, if you don't pay attention (and being TOO skinny is bad bad bad for you)

    oh, wait, that's how you got your knees shot in the first place, isn't it?... My bad. Just plain walking, then. not as exciting but... will do.

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  4. now you got me so confused. I've been trying to lose 5kg for the last 4 years to no avail. When I try to deprive myself of food, I get severe headache and so i eat at he first chance hihiihh.

    I think I will just give up and embrace my balooning backside

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  5. I can totally relate! I am trying to lose weight now because I'm getting older and pudgy! huhuhu It suuucks because I have no self - control whatsoever! I've just recently signed up for classes at the gym. I'm starting tomorrow. Eek I'm so nervous!

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    1. Olderrr? OMG, I feel so ancient. :(

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  6. You're so funny and at the same, what you said was true. Thanks for sharing your humor all the time!

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  7. I couldn't have said it better! Losing weight is as easy as peace talks between North and South Korea. Haha!

    And yeah, I'm bitter because I don't think I can ever go back to my pre-pregnancy weight again. Ssssucks! :)

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  8. I had fun reading your kooky post! So natural you and agree with you. It's always in our mind. :)

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  9. "I convince myself that my tastebuds are dancing with joy whenever I'm munching on a carrot."

    I know the feeling. I used to REVEL in oatmeal when I decided my health is more important than the next bite of brownie. Yes, no sugar, chunky oatmeal with fat-free milk. Oh joy.

    Which brings me back to... I really should start shedding a few pounds. This chub rub can be quite deterrent to looking good in a bandage skirt.

    Abi
    http://thebelatedbloomer.blogspot.com
    twitter and instagram: @BelatedBloomer

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  10. Dieting sucks, that's why I gave up eons ago. :P


    http://www.dekaphobe.com/

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  11. That's so true! Plus, it's easier to lose weight than to maintain it. I know a lot of people who lost but then after a few months.. BOOM! Diet isn't the way to go. A lifestyle change is better (eat better, exercise, whatever works for you :).


    www.joeiandme.com

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    1. Agree on the diet thing. Starvation just makes your body slow its metabolism. Several smaller healthy meals throughout the day and exercise seems to work better.

      Coffee Bean Extract Weight Loss

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  12. maintaing sucks. :( I lost ten kilos last year and I gained most of it all back over the Christmas break. Gym and deprivation it is, right now. :(

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  13. It's not easy at all. It took me more than a year to lose 24 lbs.

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  14. i remember sobrang taba ko dati nilalait na ng mga friends ko..nagpapayat ako at pumayat naman..sabi ng mga friends ko sumobra daw payat ko magpataba daw ulet ako! grrrrrrr..kainis lang diba?! kaya relate ako sa friends are evil!hahaha...

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  15. One of my 2013 resolutions is to eat more healthy and exercise to lose weight. So easy to write and say that but superrrrrr hard to do. But I know I'd have to do it soon coz I don't want to get any bigger than I am right now. So good luck to me. And to everyone trying to lose weight. haha

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  16. This is the truest, most honest post about weight loss I have ever read. You are fantastic.

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  17. hahah this is great and SOOO true!! You have read my mind!! New follower!! Thanks to Elle Noel!!

    mamaaja.blogspot.com

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  18. f you want to find good information on the latest weight loss techniques you should look for a blog. But how do you know if the blog is a good one or not?
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  19. I looooove this post! And yes, dieting is hard. I just try to minimize eating carbs and junk food. :)

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  20. weight loss...that's why I need to do before summer starts. :)

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  21. This makes me feel so much better. I feel like I'm torturing myself.

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  22. Hello~ I sooo love your blog!Your posts are just pure epicness! I wish I've seen your blog sooner. *u*
    Excuse me while I fangirl~

    *cough* Anyway. I'm one of those girls whose diet and exercise always starts "tomorrow". So I'm pretty much hopeless.Lol. I do hate my fatty tummy upper-arm and I do want a healthier lifestyle but I don't want the hard work that comes with it. I really need to work on my self discipline first >.<

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  23. my God, just what I need to make me feel guilty about enjoying 1 and half donut. hahaha, kidding. But I agree with what you stated sis. Sometimes people would console you by saying you look fine until one day boom you're fatter, then when you blame them for not telling you the truth they just shrug. hahah kidding. but yes it happens.

    darn, why is it a challenge to lose weight. :| *sigh* *sigh*

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  24. Sooooooo true! Losing weight really does suck big time. I could most relate to #2. I personally see it a conspiracy of sorts since everytime I declare myself on diet, another binge-fest comes along and ruins all my plans. Argh. But I gotta do it before the BF gets here come August--at least I have ample time to lose my love handles. So help me God!

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  25. i'm so lucky because though i eat a lot, like 4 cups of rice in one meal i never get fat. it's in our genes, we are all slim. I eat a lot of healthy foods, too. i'm not a fan of meat, i love vegetables and fruits!

    It’s a GIRL Thing

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  26. This is funny :)) When I started doing a detox, people were laughing at my rabbit food. And yes, friends are evil! They will always invite you out for oily, fried food and alcohol. I'm just trying to lessen my sugar intake so I thought that'd be easy, but not so much pala...

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  27. This post is so true. I've always been stick thin before and has trouble gaining some weight. Now I'm having difficulties shedding some pounds off...

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  28. Everything you've said is so true. Trying to lose weight sucks big time! =(

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  29. Thank you, everyone. I'm glad i'm not alone. :D

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  30. You look so lovely, and oh yes oh soo sexy:)
    Inspired to work out to attain that to die for body lol.
    Thanks for visiting my boring blog nways, im now ur new follower because i just love ur blog!

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  31. Soo beautiful:) Most normal people cannot maintain a 1500 calorie diet. That is extremely low calories. The average man needs at least 1800 calories, if hes not doing heavy exercise. Im glad it worked for you. Most people that restrict their calories low end up having trouble staying on it life time, and go back to eating more and gain all their weight back.
    Best Wishes-
    Samantha Smith

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  35. Thank you very much for sharing this great post! Yes, it is really true. Instead of indulging in ice cream for dessert, why not have a plate of mixed fruits? Fruits taste good and won't go straight to your hips. It is actually really hard to lose weight. You need to be motivated and you need to have a goal.



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  36. sad.

    people just can't eat right.

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  37. I strongly agree with you Lizzie! Battle of the bulge has been my fight since high school days!
    I will take your advice about sugar-free chewing gums! I will buy some later! ヅ

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  44. I have a total hate relationship with exercise, even though it's supposed to be the healthiest thing for your body (you know, if you ignore the sore muscles and the boring hell you have to endure during the exercise), so the only way for me to shed some pounds is through severe dieting, which turns me into a full blown psycho (sorry to all my friends and family for that one).

    But truthfully, it's all that works. It's total BS when people say they eat as much of that and that as they want and lose weight by exercising regularly (aka a few hours suffering in the gym). With restricting, even just plain old walking (as mind numbingly boring as it is) is enough.

    Also, why does healthy food taste like ground? I'd rather eat nothing before I substitute something delicious with twigs and crap. But hey, sometimes it helps to get in your five (or one, maybe two) a day.

    That's why vitamins are a girl's best friend :) (well, kind of, but you get the idea.)

    ReplyDelete

Behind this blog is a woman suffering from intermittent explosive disorder and chronic boredom. If you find yourself taking some of my statements a little too seriously, you might want to rethink leaving a comment. Either that or chill the fuck out.

I love cuppiecakes, by the way!

Thank you for dropping by. You're the BESTEST! ☆☆☆