December 27, 2012

Oh Hello, Bilbo!


 I'm too sexy.

So remarkably sexy that sexiness oozes out of my pores. It's such a heavy cross to bear, really. The world is not prepared to handle this amount of sexiness from one person.

I'm cursed with a pornstar sex goddess body (and magnetism, might I add). But hey... it's not my fault that I'm genetically predisposed to phenomenal sexiness.

 I find myself trying very hard to look like a mortal, but even if I wrap myself up like a devilishly sexy burrito, my sexiness cannot be concealed. It's pretty much the same thing as halitosis: even if one empties an entire  toothpaste tube, a couple of bottles of breath freshener and a few packs of mints, his/her breath will still smell.

So what does a mightily sexy woman like me do to reduce my severe sexiness? I chop all my hair off every few years, of course. It is known that majority of the world's population find long, voluminous hair on women more appealing.  See? Problem solved!

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I promise to take decent pictures next time.



Okaaaay, I think I just vomited in my mouth. I shouldn't let my imagination run wild too often.

Truth is: I'm experiencing alcohol withdrawal symptoms I. GOT. BORED.

I impetuously marched into the salon three days ago and asked the hairstylist to simply cut it all off. She hesitated for about 20 minutes. She kept telling me that my hair is beautiful and  that it would be a shame to chop it.

I don't take no for an answer so I tried to be more persuasive by picking the scissors up and cutting a good chunk off my locks. I believe she might have cried a little while she was cutting the rest. It was... dramatic!

I now look like Bilbo Baggins with cancer. I suppose resembling a male hobbit afflicted with terminal illness is far from sexy.

Or so I thought until:

hairstylist: *putting gel on my now very short hair*  Oh!

me: *to self* "Fuck! What was I thinking? I look like a freaking egg! Kill me. Kill me. Kill me. Kill me. "

hairstylist: Your long hair was very romantic... but short hairstyle makes you look very sexy!


Makes me look... WHAT?

What the...?

Why, God, why?

Curse my sexiness!



December 21, 2012

Woe-Ho-Ho!

I'm no Grinch. I don't hate Christmas at all. The only thing I dislike about it is Santa Claus. That inconsiderate, penny-pinching, hairy, old man NEVER EVER gave me the things I wanted. I once asked for a bicycle and he gave me a bag of candies instead! What the hell?! I didn't even like candies much! I asked for a dollhouse and I got books. I wanted a laser toy gun and I ended up having a pair of pink rubber shoes. I asked for a German Shepherd and you know what the idiot gave me? A bunny. I'm pretty sure he did all these things on purpose to ruin my childhood! I hate him with all my heart. I hope he chokes on cookies one of these days!

On a happier note.. I do, in fact, love Christmas.

I love the decor and those fire hazard twinkly lights.

I love the kindness of most people. It warms my heart. Some of them act so well that no one would be able to tell they're only faking it.

I love the diabolically unhealthy food, even if I have to forcefully shove everything down my throat so that my mom/mom-in-law/aunts wouldn't feel offended. Their efforts in the kitchen shouldn't go to waste, right? I'd simply cry myself in the bathroom while the extra calories are slowly but inevitably turning into fats.


Most importantly, I love Christmas because of Baby Jesus.

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No. Not really. I'm not the religious type.

The number one reason why I love Christmas is: getting presents, of course! They make me feel special.

I'm shallow and quite easy to please.


Anyhow, since I'm too lazy to continue, here are some girly pictures I took the other day. Scroll down for digital freebies.




Pastel Social Media Buttons Set




 

- for blog/website side bars
- 40 images with transparent background
- includes: Facebook, Twitter, Email, Google+, Pinterest, RSS, Skype, and Instagram




December 09, 2012

A Cat Lady's Christmas Wish List

Ah, Christmas... my favorite time of the year. A time of love, joy, giving and fattening treats. It's also a time of excess, temporary fascination with dead treees (or cheapo plastic trees), faking niceness, grievous hangover and gifts that you have absolutely no use for they just end up under your bed -- sad and forgotten. 

Speaking of gifts... Here's my Christmas 2012 Wish List. Thank you so much, Cris of Pinay Thrill Seeker, for tagging me. ^_^

1. Pitchfork. It's just fitting, don't you think?

2. Nose job. 
This is something I've considered since I was five (yes, 5! Thanks to friends and family who repeatedly told me, when I was growing up, that my nose resembles a potato) but never really had the chance because... I'm a chicken.

3. Laxatives.  What? I can't be expected to count calories during the holiday! 

4. Genital Herpes to those who pissed me off this year. They deserve it, pus and all. Add some crabs for riveting effect. 

5. Slow agonizing death to all condescending people. Because I'm that hateful.

6. World peace and kittens. Because despite my callousness, I'm still a hypocrite after all. Please be my friend?


What do you want to get this Christmas?






NOTE: These photos don't have anything to do with Christmas or Christmas Wish List but hey... I'll grab every opportunity to camwhore. 


dress: from Korea
headband: H&M
shoes: Charlotte Olympia
eyeglasses: Chameleon




P.S.

My baby boys will be checking in a pet hotel tomorrow. I won't get to see them until mid-January. *sniff*