November 24, 2012

Faceboob, er, Facebook






Your profile picture is the face of your Facebook account; the timeline cover, on the other hand, serves as the boobies. No matter how pretty your face (profile picture) is, some people will not be able to resist staring at your chest (timeline cover).

I swear I wanted to make a point but it slipped my mind a few seconds ago. I blame it on alcohol old age.

Anyway, I made a few Facebook Cover Photos (for NON-Photoshop users) just because. I ran out of creative juices but I promise to come up with not-so-lame freebies next time.

These have been optimized for Facebook (because you know how it can suck the life out of every picture).

Download link and tutorial (using fotoflexer.com) after the jump.

Cheerio!


November 20, 2012

Kyoot Skinny Pancakes



Ha! The evil witch is still alive!

As promised, here's a recipe for low-carb, low calorie, low-sugar pancakes that won't make you fat. And you know what? They're actually quite delicious. 



Ingredients: 

4 tbsp. oat bran

2 eggs (without yolks)

1 tbsp. Splenda

2 tbsp. nonfat Greek yogurt

1/2 tsp. baking powder

1 tbsp. low fat cream cheese/nonfat cottage cheese

1 tbsp. skimmed milk

1 curious kitteh to spice things up a little (optional)

A few cute miniatures to photograph while you're heating the pan (optional)

Cookie cutters (because round pancakes are so passé!!!)

servings: 2 (well, only one if you tend to eat a lot)


- Mix all the ingredients
- Grease a non-stick pan with fat-free cooking spray
- Cook the mixture in medium heat. Flip once the surface starts to bubble and the edges are dry. 
- Prettify them. 
- Serve with sugar-free maple or chocolate syrup

Enjoy! :)

***Inspired by recipes from various healthy food blogs. 



November 10, 2012

Dear Hoomanz


C TEH BUBBLE WRAP BEHIND ME? I KNOE U R JEALOUS!


Dear Hoomanz, 

We r Fattie an Uglie (thaz wut r mama n papa call us) an we r kyoot. Cant tell us apart? Fattie has 4 tapez. Uglie has 2 tapez.

R mama iz vry busy rite nao an she iz vry angry evry dai so we decidd 2 taek ovar 4 teh meen tiem.

Todai, were goin 2 teach u how 2 be kitteh. Cuz kittehs r coolr than hoomanz. N dawgs. 

numbr 1: Sleep teh whole dai. Y? Cuz thaz wut kittehs do. No wundr we r so prittee!




numbr 2: Own pig plush toyz. Cuz bakonz come frum pig n bakonz r yummeh. 




numbr 3: Be fusy eatr. Cuz u r kitteh.




numbr 4: Grow pot belleh. Hoomanz like hooj round tummehs. They wil giv u moar nom nomz if u has pot belleh. 



number 5: Wear hatz. 






number 6: Sleep sum moar. 



number 7: Doan try 2 hard. Ure not dawg. U r kitteh. 




number 8: Iz teh most importent...

KILL





4



FUN!
Kittehs doan kill 4 nomz. We killz 4  teh entirtaynment. 

P.S. Maek them suffr. Kthxbai!




November 08, 2012

Boob Myths and Shattered Dreams

Hi. My name is Lizzie. I'm here to smash your dreams to smithereens because I've been extra angry for the past few days and I hate the world even more.

I'm not really in the mood to write and I'm starting to tire of this blog so let's cut the overture, shall we?

No, breast massage does not work. It was a rumor spread by the male species (and it still is!) so that they'd have a chance to get their hands on a pair (or two, or three.. depending on their looks). Men are nefarious and manipulative. NEVER. TRUST. THEM.

Yes, birth control pills can make you up to a cup size bigger. No, it isn't permanent. Once you stop  consuming the pill, your boobs will shrink to their former, uh, volume.

No. Exercise won't increase your bust size. Do all female fitness buffs have natural, jiggly, squishy boobs? No? I thought so. Exercise can definitely tone up your pectoral muscles, but it won't make your dreams come true. Breasts are mostly composed of adipose tissue. Adipose tissue = FAT. Maybe eating cheeseburgers will help? Add supersized fries as well. You're very welcome.

No. Creams don't work either, unless it has rainbow unicorn vomit. But unicorns have long been extinct so your chances to have bigger boobs by simply applying something is almost ZERO. Sorry to break the news to you. If magic creams really did exist, there wouldn't be plastic surgeons around and cosmetic surgery wouldn't be such a lucrative industry.

Think for a minute... if breasts were THAT easy to enlarge without having to go under the knife, every woman will be tipping over everytime they stand, much less walk. Like this:



However, if you don't want to believe me and you still have a strong desire to waste your hard-earned money, I'm soon going to release a breast enhancing potion in the market. Ladies (and gents, if I happen to have  guy readers), I present to you:

Pretty/Ugly Mammoth Mammaries

Now, I know it does not have unicorn vomit but years of research and hoodoo practice have made it possible for me to concoct something potent. All you need to do is finish the entire bottle before going to bed, wriggle your toes and at the same time rub your stomach using clockwise motion until you slip into a coma and eventually suffer cardiac arrest fall asleep. Your boobies will be a C at their smallest. Some of my test subjects the volunteers even ended up with F, G, and H cups. Seriously. 

Introductory price: $ 850  for a 75 ml. bottle

Money back guarantee.

Place your order now so you can finally look like a pornstar! 






source: *anime  *bottle



November 05, 2012

Cherry Bomb







I'm on a roll. I honestly don't sleep anymore these days (I'm one busy woman). 

Here are two sets of social media buttons and a tutorial on how to install them (Blogger-centric but Wordpress users will find this a little useful as well). 

First set is girly, of course. Black lace with blush rosette details. 

Second set is a little elegant, if simple. This is for those who are still-feminine-but-not-in-your-face-kind-of-way. 




Download links and tutorials after the jump. 

November 04, 2012

Sticky Situation


Here's another freebie because the set from yesterday is so UGLY it pisses me off!

If you happen to like my goodies, I'm sorry to inform you that I do not accept monetary donations. What? You think I'm penniless?

I'll make an exception for donuts, though; they're hard to come by.


Preferably Krispy Kreme original glazed. You can also like my Facebook Page or tell your girly friends about Pretty Ugly. If you don't want to, it's fine with me. I won't hold it against you because I don't really care.

These cuties can girlizzieprettify any photo on your blog. What's more, they can be used even without Photoshop. I included a tutorial below. You're welcome.




Cute Chevron Tapes

 - set of 35 digital tapes

 - 7 different colors (yellow, pink, aqua, violet, lime, ash, orange)

 - 620px wide (can be resized)

 - opaque (can be adjusted)


Credit is not required, but appreciated. 

For personal and limited commercial use. 
Please do not claim as your own. 
Please do not repackage and redistribute. 
☆ Do not use for defamatory, racial, unethical and obscene works. 





No Adobe Photoshop? Instructions after the jump.


November 03, 2012

Let's All Vomit Rainbows

Oh, hello there. As promised, here's my first digital freebie. I decided to go minimal so as not to shock people with my extreme girlyness. Please share my blog to those who are interested in prettifying their own websites. For the record, I have no intention whatsoever to set up a digital downloads shop. I'm sticking to photography, thank you very much. I only want to make the blogsophere a Lizzier colorful place. 






Simple Social Media Buttons

- for blog/website sidebars

- 9 images with transparent background 

- 70px by 70px

Credit is not required, but appreciated. 

For personal and limited commercial use.
Please do not claim as your own.
Please do not repackage and redistribute.
☆ Do not use for defamatory, racial, unethical and obscene works.