Hi. My name is Lizzie. I'm here to smash your dreams to smithereens
because I've been extra angry for the past few days and I hate the world even more.
I'm not really in the mood to write
and I'm starting to tire of this blog so let's cut the overture, shall we?
No, breast massage does not work. It was a rumor spread by the male species (
and it still is!) so that they'd have a chance to get their hands on a pair (
or two, or three.. depending on their looks). Men are nefarious and manipulative. NEVER. TRUST. THEM.
Yes, birth control pills can make you up to a cup size bigger. No, it isn't permanent. Once you stop consuming the pill, your boobs will shrink to their former, uh, volume.
No. Exercise won't increase your bust size. Do all female fitness buffs have natural, jiggly, squishy boobs? No? I thought so. Exercise can definitely tone up your pectoral muscles, but it won't make your dreams come true. Breasts are mostly composed of adipose tissue. Adipose tissue = FAT. Maybe eating cheeseburgers will help? Add supersized fries as well. You're very welcome.
No. Creams don't work either, unless it has rainbow unicorn vomit. But unicorns have long been extinct so your chances to have bigger boobs by simply applying something is almost ZERO. Sorry to break the news to you. If magic creams really did exist, there wouldn't be plastic surgeons around and cosmetic surgery wouldn't be such a lucrative industry.
Think for a minute... if breasts were THAT easy to enlarge without having to go under the knife, every woman will be tipping over everytime they stand, much less walk. Like this:
However, if you don't want to believe me and you still have a strong desire to waste your hard-earned money, I'm soon going to release a breast enhancing potion in the market. Ladies (
and gents, if I happen to have guy readers), I present to you:
Pretty/Ugly Mammoth Mammaries
Now, I know it does not have unicorn vomit but years of research and hoodoo practice have made it possible for me to concoct something potent. All you need to do is finish the entire bottle before going to bed, wriggle your toes and at the same time rub your stomach using clockwise motion until you slip into a coma and eventually suffer cardiac arrest fall asleep. Your boobies will be a C at their smallest. Some of my test subjects the volunteers even ended up with F, G, and H cups. Seriously.
Introductory price: $ 850 for a 75 ml. bottle
Money back guarantee.
Place your order now so you can finally look like a pornstar!
source: *anime *bottle
