Oh Hello, Bilbo!

 I'm too sexy.

So remarkably sexy that sexiness oozes out of my pores. It's such a heavy cross to bear, really. The world is not prepared to handle this amount of sexiness from one person.

I'm cursed with a pornstar sex goddess body (and magnetism, might I add). But hey... it's not my fault that I'm genetically predisposed to phenomenal sexiness.

 I find myself trying very hard to look like a mortal, but even if I wrap myself up like a devilishly sexy burrito, my sexiness cannot be concealed. It's pretty much the same thing as halitosis: even if one empties an entire  toothpaste tube, a couple of bottles of breath freshener and a few packs of mints, his/her breath will still smell.

So what does a mightily sexy woman like me do to reduce my severe sexiness? I chop all my hair off every few years, of course. It is known that majority of the world's population find long, voluminous hair on women more appealing.  See? Problem solved!

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I promise to take decent pictures next time.

Okaaaay, I think I just vomited in my mouth. I shouldn't let my imagination run wild too often.

Truth is: I'm experiencing alcohol withdrawal symptoms I. GOT. BORED.

I impetuously marched into the salon three days ago and asked the hairstylist to simply cut it all off. She hesitated for about 20 minutes. She kept telling me that my hair is beautiful and  that it would be a shame to chop it.

I don't take no for an answer so I tried to be more persuasive by picking the scissors up and cutting a good chunk off my locks. I believe she might have cried a little while she was cutting the rest. It was... dramatic!

I now look like Bilbo Baggins with cancer. I suppose resembling a male hobbit afflicted with terminal illness is far from sexy.

Or so I thought until:

hairstylist: *putting gel on my now very short hair*  Oh!

me: *to self* "Fuck! What was I thinking? I look like a freaking egg! Kill me. Kill me. Kill me. Kill me. "

hairstylist: Your long hair was very romantic... but short hairstyle makes you look very sexy!


Makes me look... WHAT?

What the...?

Why, God, why?

Curse my sexiness!