How To Pose Like A Model (Wannabe) I

This is the first installment of Model Wannabe Posing Guide. Please note that this is NOT for real models. 

These poses will certainly impress your friends and family. However, they are not photo shoot exclusive. You can strike a pose while doing mundane tasks. You can pose while eating, smoking, taking a shower or vacuuming the floor. That's how model wannabes operate. We live and breathe haute couture poses. 

If you want to astonish your readers and make them realize how un-modelly and average they are, incorporate these poses into your outfit blog posts. Expect yourself to get buried in fan mails.

Let's get down to business...

1. The Tummy Ache a.k.a Colonic Obstruction

- Suck your stomach in. 

- Put both hands on your waist.
- Extend your elbows forward. I know it's uncomfortable. Stop complaining. 

- Slouch. 

- Try to look as if you're suffering from severe stomach ache or acute constipation.

2. The Backbreaker

- Stand. 

- Have your phone within reach but out of camera's frame. 

- Slowly bend over backwards, as far as your backbone will allow you. 

- If you hear a loud snap and you suddenly don't feel your legs anymore, something went wrong. 

- Call 911. 

3. The Stuck Up

This is the simplest pose, if not ho-hum, model wannabes will ever come across with. Inspired by social butterflies. It's as predictable and hollow.

- Stand

- Lean back. 

- Jut the lower torso forward.

- Look stiff and haughty.
- Scan surroundings for prospective sugar daddies.

The Shoulder Dislocator

- Stand with your back arched.
- Do an upward arm stretch.
- Stretch further until your shoulders start to hurt.
- Intertwine your hands to make it even more unpleasant for you.

5. The Burst Appendix

- Pull your shoulders back. 

- Put both your hands on your right hip. 

- Keep legs apart. Bend leg until you get cramps.

- Maintain a poker face. Scrunching up the face (as though in pain) is not pretty. 

6. The Hangover

- Arch your back and shoulders.

- Place one hand lightly on your forehead

-Place the other hand on your hip. You can also keep it loose and relaxed. 

- Appear to suffer a little. 

- You can paint yourself greenish to feign sickness. 

- For a compelling effect, smear leftover food on your clothes and pretend it's vomit. 

7. The Non Virgin Suicide

- Stand. 

- Put both arms behind you at an awkward angle. 

- Tiptoe. 

- Pitch yourself forward as if you're throwing yourself off a building. 

- Don't just lean! You can't fake falling! 

- If you bash your face on the floor without having taken a good shot, try again. Never mind the blood. It helps in making this pose look convincing and poignant. 

8. The Catatonic Stupor

- Look blank. Plain and simple. 

-Let your arms dangle freely. 

- Keep your feet slightly apart. 

- Let your head roll to one side but try not to slaver.

- You can also pretend you're a non-ravenous (and might I say chic) walking dead. Only not walking, but posing. 

9. The Scaredy Cat

- Sit on a chair.
- Fold yourself into fetal postion.
- Imagine Pedobear is about to attack you.
- Look a little frightened but still sexy, because you're a model wannabe.. and Pedobear isn't bad-looking at all.

10. The Armpit Sniffer

- Lift one arm.
- Make sure your armpit is exposed (and hairless).
- Close your eyes.
- Inhale the rosy scent.
- Look enraptured.

dress: from Korea

corset: YRYS

shoes: River Island

sunnies: River Island

clutch: Anna Nucci

bow: AMD

top: Topshop

pants: F21

shoes: Aldo

earrings: Chameleon

dress: H&M

necklace: Adore

headband: Claire's

shoes: River Island

 ***I accept donations via Paypal. I will also gladly take Krispy Kreme donuts, hair care products and upmarket canned cat food. Thanks!