October 12, 2012

How To Pose Like A Model (Wannabe) I

This is the first installment of Model Wannabe Posing Guide. Please note that this is NOT for real models. 

These poses will certainly impress your friends and family. However, they are not photo shoot exclusive. You can strike a pose while doing mundane tasks. You can pose while eating, smoking, taking a shower or vacuuming the floor. That's how model wannabes operate. We live and breathe haute couture poses. 

If you want to astonish your readers and make them realize how un-modelly and average they are, incorporate these poses into your outfit blog posts. Expect yourself to get buried in fan mails.

Let's get down to business...


1. The Tummy Ache a.k.a Colonic Obstruction


- Suck your stomach in. 
- Put both hands on your waist.
- Extend your elbows forward. I know it's uncomfortable. Stop complaining. 
- Slouch. 
- Try to look as if you're suffering from severe stomach ache or acute constipation.






2. The Backbreaker


- Stand. 
- Have your phone within reach but out of camera's frame. 
- Slowly bend over backwards, as far as your backbone will allow you. 
- If you hear a loud snap and you suddenly don't feel your legs anymore, something went wrong. 
- Call 911. 





3. The Stuck Up
This is the simplest pose, if not ho-hum, model wannabes will ever come across with. Inspired by social butterflies. It's as predictable and hollow.


- Stand
- Lean back. 
- Jut the lower torso forward.
- Look stiff and haughty.
- Scan surroundings for prospective sugar daddies.




The Shoulder Dislocator


- Stand with your back arched.
- Do an upward arm stretch.
- Stretch further until your shoulders start to hurt.
- Intertwine your hands to make it even more unpleasant for you.





5. The Burst Appendix


- Pull your shoulders back. 
- Put both your hands on your right hip. 
- Keep legs apart. Bend leg until you get cramps.
- Maintain a poker face. Scrunching up the face (as though in pain) is not pretty. 





6. The Hangover


- Arch your back and shoulders.
- Place one hand lightly on your forehead
-Place the other hand on your hip. You can also keep it loose and relaxed. 
- Appear to suffer a little. 
- You can paint yourself greenish to feign sickness. 
- For a compelling effect, smear leftover food on your clothes and pretend it's vomit. 







7. The Non Virgin Suicide

- Stand. 
- Put both arms behind you at an awkward angle. 
- Tiptoe. 
- Pitch yourself forward as if you're throwing yourself off a building. 
- Don't just lean! You can't fake falling! 
- If you bash your face on the floor without having taken a good shot, try again. Never mind the blood. It helps in making this pose look convincing and poignant. 






8. The Catatonic Stupor


- Look blank. Plain and simple. 
-Let your arms dangle freely. 
- Keep your feet slightly apart. 
- Let your head roll to one side but try not to slaver.
- You can also pretend you're a non-ravenous (and might I say chic) walking dead. Only not walking, but posing. 





9. The Scaredy Cat

- Sit on a chair.
- Fold yourself into fetal postion.
- Imagine Pedobear is about to attack you.
- Look a little frightened but still sexy, because you're a model wannabe.. and Pedobear isn't bad-looking at all.






10. The Armpit Sniffer

- Lift one arm.
- Make sure your armpit is exposed (and hairless).
- Close your eyes.
- Inhale the rosy scent.
- Look enraptured.






dress: from Korea
corset: YRYS
shoes: River Island
sunnies: River Island
clutch: Anna Nucci
bow: AMD

top: Topshop
pants: F21
shoes: Aldo
earrings: Chameleon


dress: H&M
necklace: Adore
headband: Claire's
shoes: River Island



 ***I accept donations via Paypal. I will also gladly take Krispy Kreme donuts, hair care products and upmarket canned cat food. Thanks!

73 comments:

  1. Hangover pose. Most used wannabe model pose I use. guilty as charged -___-

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  2. Inaabangan ko talaga to since you indicated it on your previous post :) How informative, funny and witty at the same time. Now I know how some of the poses are called. Nice one!

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  3. This definitely made my morning! The Walking Dead comparison is hilarious. Reading things like this is so refreshing. :)

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  4. Hilarious again! :D :D :D Effort yung backbreaker, mala-Pilita Corales lang! LOL at Call 911! :D

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    Replies
    1. Masakit siya gawin. LOL. I had difficulties doing this pose while keeping a somewhat straight face.

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  5. This made my morning. Off to work now. :D

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  6. Replies
    1. Aw. I don't know the Bryan Boy pose. :(

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  7. i love the catatonic stupor!! :D

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    Replies
    1. Thank you. It's one of my faves too.

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  8. The armpit pose is the best!

    -Inhale the rosy scent.
    - Look enraptured.

    Bwahahahaha!

    You're hilarious Lizzie :)

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  9. Hahaha! Ang kulit! I actually tried doing the Shoulder Dislocator. I can't pull it off. My face involuntarily scrunches up. LOL!

    The Non Virgin Suicide - "If you bash your face on the floor without having taken a good shot, try again. Never mind the blood. It helps in making this pose look convincing and poignant." I laughed so hard my sides hurt. Ingenious! LOL!

    I also super love the Armpit Sniffer. LMAO!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks. Shoulder dislocator is a bit hard to do. I think I did like 10 shots or more to get it right. :D

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    2. Well, your efforts paid off. Hihi! I wish I was as ma-tyaga as you. I give up too easily when my photos don't come out the way I want them to. Hehe!

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  10. Wow! I agree with Yanni! This is such a funny, witty and very informative post!

    My favorites are The Tummy Ache and The Back Breaker poses! ヅ

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  11. I have the same pink dress from H&M :) Love the shoes you've paired with it! Great article! :)

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    Replies
    1. Thanks. I converted it to a house dress because the neckline is too low and it's a little too big for me now. Too bad. :(

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  12. this one's funny (in a cute way) but i love your pictures. did you take it or you have a photographer?

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    Replies
    1. Thank you. :) I take my blog photos myself.

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  13. OMG! This is even hilarious than your previous post!!! I already tried the Tummy Ache post once! HAHAHA. But you look so goood doing all these poses :)))) Love the pink dress - sooo girly!

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    Replies
    1. I wanna see your tummy ache post! Where can I find iiiit? :D

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  14. oh my god. this is amazing. lollll.

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  15. cute poses and funny instructions..nice nice :D

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  16. no.1 is sooo Tyra! no.2 reminds me of Pilita Corales, LOL!

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  17. HAHAHA!! I love the names of the poses! very funny! the armpit sniffer if my fave :D

    http://steph-g.blogspot.com

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  18. Hahaha! Bravo, bravo! I still have half-a-dozen KK's in the fridge that I'd be glad to share with you. :)

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  19. Ahahaha!!! Nakakaloka to... Tiis ganda talag ung na una!!!

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    Replies
    1. Hahaha. Tiis ganda talaga. Thank you. :)

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  20. Ang cute! Haha nice nice.. ;) Claps. Ganda ng poses :))

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  21. That was funny! I'm gonna try the scaredy cat the next time I'm in front of the mirror.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks. :) Scaredy Cat is fun and Lolita-ish.

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  22. I think I saw most fashion bloggers doing The Catatonic Stupor ; p

    Well done! Another hilarious post!

    xoxo
    MrsMartinez

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  23. I actually see a lot of these poses in fashion blogs, haha!

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  24. HAHAHAHAHHA Again, you made me laugh out loud! I gotta practice those poses so I can be a model wannabe!!! :D

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    Replies
    1. Model wannabe is the new hot stuff. :)

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  25. Haha Love the poses sis! So funny but true :)

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  26. You're so funny! I love all those poses. I'm just not sure how I can pull them off without laughing at myself. America's Next Top Model, eat your heart out!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you. :) It's a good way to have a laugh. Even I was snickering to myself when I was doing these poses.

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  27. Ayyy.. you are the winner sis. Haha. Favorite ko yun non-virgin suicide!

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  28. I love this post!
    I think I'd be able to do "The Catatonic Stupor" well. Heh.

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  29. hahahahaha winner ka! i love your terms on each poses! di ka model pero very very pro! i love reading your blog. so funny and witty :)

    Rovie,
    <a href="thebargaindoll.blogspot.com'> The Bargain Doll </a>

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  30. Hahaha... so funny. Since I have a fashion blog I might just take this post of yours as reference for my future poses!

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  31. This is HILARIOUS. I love the step-by-step instructions! :D

    Abi
    http://thebelatedbloomer.blogspot.com

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  32. This is fun! Haha. I am actually amazed at how bloggers do the pose!

    This is the kind of blog that I want to follow ;) Btw, we got the same dress (and color) from H&M! ;)

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  33. My favorite is the The Armpit Sniffer hahahaha

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  34. Loveeeet!! I think I'm more of the catatonic stupor pero naka smile hahaha!! Winner ang 1 & 2 :))

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  35. Love this post! :D I have friends who do the Colonic Obstruction pose to make their photos look high fasyon.. haha.. Same with The Armpit Sniffer XD And although I hate to admit it, I do The Catatonic Stupor a lot of times =))

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  36. The Armpit Sniffer --> best pose so far :)) Another hilarious post! Great article Lizzie!

    Sai from Fashion by Sai (The Fashionista)

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  37. LOL great one Lizzy. I'll try out some of these (catatonic stupor and scardy cat) when "japan-japan" pose doesn't work out for me anymore :D

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