1. Napping is the essence of life.
Whoever said that loving and being loved/ starting a family/ finding happiness/ having a great career is the most important thing in the world is sooo WRONG. It's time to get your priorities right. Napping improves one's health, mood, memory and creativity.
So what are you waiting for? Quit your job, leave your significant other/entire family, and live like an artistic hipster Sleeping Beauty!
2. There's beauty in staring at empty spaces.
Staring at empty spaces can unnerve some people and give them the impression that you're a psycho. Being mistaken for a psycho means you'll be avoided by many (or you'll be institutionalized if you overdo it).
Being avoided by people is awesome because people suck, anyway.
Being institutionalized is also okay because, hey, you get free Xanax everyday!
3. You exist to be adored.
You're awesome. You're perfect. You're purrty. You can't help it if lesser beings and peasants hold you in high esteem. You deserve all the admiration. Those who think otherwise can go suck on a cactus.
4. Food is your BFF.
Food is loyal. Food is kind. Food is patient. Food is never demanding. Food is comforting. Food will always be there for you. Food is never judgmental. Food will never leave you. EVERRR.
5. Manipulation 101
Cats are master manipulators. They control their owners with their varying purrs and meows. Poor humans have no choice but to obey and melt into a puddle of adoring goo.
You can apply this feline tactic if you want to get WHATEVER you want. A meowing human is not as delightful as a meowing cat, so you can employ other means such as showing half your boobies, making your eyes wide, playing with your hair, sticking your butt out, and giving your most charming smile.
Never lick your lips. It's creepy.
6. Grooming is imperative.
Good looks is never enough. Notice how cats constantly groom themselves? You should probably do the same. You wouldn't want to disappoint your adoring public. Beauty is quite useless when you stink like a cheese.
7. Patience often pays off.
Observe a cat while it's hunting. It spends most of the (hunting) time stalking and staying still before it goes for the kill.
Someone has pissed you off? Don't get even yet! Plan it, lurk, stalk! Then, like a cat, catch your prey, paw him/her until he/she dies of slow, agonizing, humiliating death.
Fancy someone? Lurk. Stalk. Wait patiently. Catch him/her off guard and urinate on him/her to mark your territory.
8. Not giving a fuck = happiness.
Never conform. Never let anyone dictate what you should or should not do. It's your life. You are its navigator. Do things at your own pace, on your own terms. You're awesome and the world can go fuck itself.
models: McFattie & McUgly